sleep-like

callous, i awake in this dream state. everyday runs together. i am a hollow shell. colors and lights run together. i don't feel. my only defense is sleep and the sleep-like. this is beyond mediocrity. this is reality. this is beyond apathy. this is giving up. what hurts most is discovering all i believed in and fastened myself to are illusions. as the world distracts and decays. the only portion of it i know distracts me and i begin to decay. distract and decay. the smell is overwhelming. there is life off in the landscape. i can see it through the distortion and blur. my legs are now dead weight. i'll drag myself there if i have to.